magpie madness

So Mireille and I are sitting under the shade of the enormous Moreton Bay Fig in New Farm park this afternoon when she says to me (in her soft, lilting French Canadian accent), “Have you ever been attacked by a bird?” Hmmm...well not really, but I go on to relay the story of a wild turkey/carrion feeder/raptor thing that busted out of some low scrub and came squawking after me, Kirk and The Bun while we were walking on a Mt. Nebo trail a few weeks ago. Not an attack though, no. So she starts telling me about the time she and her husband, Mike, were riding their bikes around town and an Australian Magpie went after him, pecking at his helmet and generally giving him the business. And when he thought it was all over, the same bird came after him on the ride back! This I find outrageously funny and I respond with widening eyes, hands clapped over my mouth and plenty of guffawing and appreciative horror (I LOVE crazy wildlife stories! Like how Bill Bryson writes about crocs stalking people!!) until she shares this piece of information...“they go after the eyes. It’s recommended that you wear a helmet and paint eyes on the back...maybe you should get one for the baby.” Excuse me??? I see these black and white birds all over town and I would always think, “wow....preeeettttyyyy!!” when I should have been screaming, “COVER THE BABY’S SOFT TISSUES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!”

Of course I google “Australian Magpie” and find these specimens...looking evil, so very evil. The males attack while the females brood over the eggs, they go after mainly males aged 10-30 and postal workers (“posties”!) on bikes. The National Parks site has these handy hints:

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If a magpie swoops at you:

• Walk quickly and carefully away from the area, and avoid walking there when magpies are swooping.

• Make a temporary sign to warn other people.

• Magpies are less likely to swoop if you look at them. Try to keep an eye on the magpie, at the same time walking carefully away. Alternatively, you can draw or sew a pair of eyes onto the back of a hat, and wear it when walking through the area. You can also try wearing your sunglasses on the back of your head.

• Wear a bicycle or skateboard helmet. Any sort of hat, even a hat made from an ice cream container or cardboard box, will help protect you.

• Carry an open umbrella, or a stick or small branch, above your head but do not swing it at the magpie, as this will only provoke it to attack.

• If you are riding a bicycle when the magpie swoops, get off the bicycle and wheel it quickly through the area. Your bicycle helmet will protect your head, and you can attach a tall red safety flag to your bicycle or hold a stick or branch as a deterrent.
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Why do you think they pointed out “ice cream container” in particular as good helmet material? Anyway...

Near the end of our visit, Mireille says, “next time I want to show you the pythons that live in a tree...on the walk to the city!” Before I had even met Mireille in person, I saw video of her crouched next to a tent on the beach and trying to feed potato chips to a 5+ foot long goanna. Googled that too and this is what it said: “has been observed killing a young kangaroo, and then biting out chunks of flesh like a dog.”

*all magpie-related photos stolen off the ’net!